luvyoudcreboot:

Sara Ellis is the sassy and headstrong youngest member of Gotham City’s official Pole Dancing Olympics team, The Celestial Sirens.  The night before their match with bitter rivals the Blüdhaven Belles, Sara gets into a bar fight with a smiling grifter who insults her red hair.  Her team captain places her on probation, forbidding her to compete the next day due to her recklessness.

 The next day, Sara arrives late to the match,  ready to beg her captain for a chance to compete.  Instead she finds her teammates competing for their lives—the match was a trap staged by the maniacal Joker!  Sara watches in horror as the Joker and his Laughing Lizards cruelly slaughter her entire team by forcing them to pole dance on an electrically charged pole suspended over a lake of acid!

Sara tries to battle the villains on her own, but is too hungover to fight the Joker’s reptilian minions.  Just before passing out from a blow to the head, she glimpses the shadow of the Bat as he descends upon the criminals, forcing them to flee.

Waking up in the hospital and wanting revenge, Sara breaks into Police Headquarters using her father Commander Ellis of the Gotham City Army Reserve’s credentials.  Turning on the Bat-Signal, she summons Batman and demands that he let her help him capture the Joker.  Unimpressed, The Batman leaves, warning her never to contact him again.

Sara, undeterred, transforms her old pole dancing uniform into a makeshift Robin costume.  Combining her pole-dancing artistry with the combat skills she learned from her father she begins a one woman war on crime, gunning to either impress Batman or take down the Joker’s empire herself.  Whichever comes first.

I’ll get a job when the burden of solid gold underpants is just too much to bear.

I’ll get a job when the sea ceases to rise and swell with each beat of my tortured heart.

I’ll get a job once I’m done convincing the relatives that my lawn is not a suitable place to hold the reunion.

I’ll get a job when the temperature drops, and I can no longer lie around in the sun, calling my lovers. 

I’ll get a job after Eunice lets me have a turn.

We’ll get a job when Laketown is finally free from crime.

I’ll get a job when the transdimensional harlequins cease to give me solid fashion advice. 

I’ll get a job when I get done showing them how we bolstered the local economy during “hard times.”

I’ll get a job when you’ve pried the mint julep from my dead, cold hands.